The process of parting is a kind of limitation that within a therapeutic setting takes on various meanings: it ends an intensive and profound relationship, it stands at the beginning of a period of improvement and mental recovery, it differentiates between therapy and every day life, and it marks the universal conflict between autonomy and dependency.
Because it often brings about reminiscences of similar situations of individuation, dissociation, loss, and being left, saying goodbye can provoke vehement and intense emotions. But at the same time the therapeutic contact enables the client to tackle those themes in a more constructive way. This can only happen, though, under the condition that the therapeutic process does not shy away from confronting finality and limitation as a topic.
This article views saying goodbye as a therapeutic task. In it, various perspectives will be integrated: existential points of view, insights from developmental psychology, elements from attachment theory, and aspects from grief support. Although very complex, the therapeutic task can be separated into a couple of sub-processes. When both client and therapist are willing to invest in those sub-processes, the parting process can grow into a shared and enriching therapeutic experience. An actual case study illustrates how client and therapist may give shape to these sub-processes. The various stages in the detachment process of the client are discussed. In this, attention is paid to: learning how to deal with various forms of limitation, practicing to say goodbye, using rituals and transitional objects in order to cope with loss, and stimulating the individuation process.
ending the therapy as a challenge, attachment and detachment, limitation and individuation
The tPeP (Journal Person-centered experiential Psychotherapy) is the scientific journal for Dutch and Flemish psychotherapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists, that work from, or are interested in a client-centered perspective.